The Hostess With The Mostest

“This the infamous box?” Elena circles “the box” in the middle of my living room on her tiptoes, creeping along and peering at all angles. She’s the first to ever see “the box.”

I lean against my counter and pop a grape into my mouth. “Not much, huh?” I’ve mentioned “the box” to everyone. I’ve told all the girls about how I’ve been cleaning it out. And by cleaning out I mean reorganizing stuff inside of it so that it can be eventually disposed of. I guess the aura of “the box” far surpasses the actual box itself. It’s a white cardboard shipping box with a top that doesn’t fit right.

Elena is using my apartment to throw a fashion party to show off her designer friend’s new line of accessories. Of course, Sophia is promoting it, sending cards to all her connections in the industry. Sophia is promoting herself, providing Baked Baskets goodies for the guests. She’s even inviting the top models she has as clients, including hottie David Nellson, who’s still six stories high in Time Square, and has recently appeared on MTV’s TRL.

Elena was going to have the party at her house, but Jack, as usual, has decided to do some remodeling, and their living room has become a construction site. I decided that my apartment is cozy enough for a small party. Of course, I would actually have to vacuum it. Maybe a party would urge me to get “the box” out of my living room. It’s been stationed in front of the couch for about a week. I’m trying to empty it and I thought that if I let it mock me for a while, I would have some success. No such luck. Instead, I’ve been using it as a footrest. When Elena rang my doorbell, I didn’t have time to lug it back into my closet so I decided to show it off.

Elena leans down and touches the lid. “What’s inside? Dirty things?” She raises her eyebrows.

I pop another grape. “More like dusty, ripped papers and pictures. That’s really about it.” I shrug. I’m not really concentrating on “the box” or the party. I’m just waiting for that ill-fated call into the Corporal’s office to be dismissed from my duties once she’s opened Jeffery’s wallet and spotted my shining face he sits on daily.

Elena half lifts it with her foot. “I suppose we should move it into your bedroom unless you want to use it as a jewelry display table.” Elena’s voice trails off as she nudges “the box” towards me with her suede-booted toe.

I wipe grape wetness off of my fingers, hoist “the box” onto my hip, carry it into the bedroom. “What time is it?” I call out, remembering that I have to vacuum and shower before people arrive.

“4:25!” Elena calls back as I reenter into the living room. “Shower. I’ll vacuum.”

She’s a mind reader sometimes. “Thanks! Just be on the lookout for Sophia. She’s getting here early with her baskets.”

* * * * * * * *

No party is complete without the BeeGees. The Brothers Gibb are at high falsetto as the party is in full swing. Hannah Vela’s jewelry, belts, and bags are strewn out across tables around the apartment’s perimeter, sparkling under desk lamp light. Elena and Hannah are selling away to clients from Neiman Marcus, Sophia’s clients, and friends of clients and friends. The apartment is packed, the food is cooking, the wine, vodka, and seltzer are flowing. We’re all “stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.”

Leah pulls me into the kitchenette. “Great turnout for them.” She pops a cube of cheddar into her mouth.

I do the same. “Yeah. She’ll sell a lot. Hopefully to all the right people.” I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Rumor has it that some of the soap stars Sophia’s firm represents will show. Sophia doesn’t know them personally. She spread the word vigorously. There are rumors about my own party! This is crazy.

Leah stares around the room. “So, you’re manless this evening.” She felt somewhat guilty about urging me to date Steeve after the pasta incident, then took credit for the awesome hookup after our last date.

I observe the room as well. “I am. So are you. To no surprise. I’m guessing Robert had to work?” I focus my gaze on her.

She avoids eye contact and concentrates on the cheese cubes. “No. He just couldn’t make it. Family obligations.”

She pops another cheddar cube into her mouth and chases it with sparkling water.

I force her to make eye contact by moving my head around until my nose almost touches hers. “Do you at least have a picture of him?” I know the answer already. The whole mystery of Robert lost its magic for me about a month ago. Now it’s just plain annoying.

She breaks eye contact once more. “No. Sorry. I switched wallets to go with my new purse and now the picture I have doesn’t fit and I have to . . .”

I cross my arms as any NYPD Blue officer would. “A likely story.” I cut her off. Take a swig of my Kaluha and Coke.

She finally makes eye contact on her own. “No Jeffery tonight?”

My heart flutters at the mention of Jeffery. Then my stomach sinks at the thought of Cockknocker ending it all. “No. I’m trying to lay low until I lose my job.”

She tries to make it better. “Oh, you.” Leah throws me some telekinetic sympathy. “You’ve been careful. Even if Cockknocker does put two and two together, you haven’t been unethical about anything. Isn’t Jeffery running a C+ in your class?” True, I have been separating personal from professional. Jeffery can sweet talk me all he likes, still, the work he’s been handing in lately is only slightly above average. He told me that he appreciates that I don’t give him straight A’s because we’re dating.

I eat a few more cubes. “I know. I just don’t know where this can possibly be headed.”

“Watch out for yourself. Keep it to as few people as possible. Let it take you wherever it goes.” She becomes whimsical. “You can’t help what you feel.”

“I know that. Just Sophia and Elena know because they were at The Lair when he asked me out. And just you and Jessica from NYLISC.”

Leah’s eyes get wide. “Speaking of . . .”

“I was just about to say. Have you seen her?”

She shakes her head. “I haven’t even heard from her. I got a quick email about a week ago saying a quick hello and that she’s fine and she’ll explain it all soon.” This is typical Jessica Blessing behavior so neither of us is too concerned yet. Curious though.

An audible gasp permeates the small crowd in my living room. David Nellson fills the open doorway. A few soap stars file in behind him, followed by a few new-to-the-scene runway gals. I stand tall in my little frame and make my way over to meet and greet. Leah does the same.

Sophia beats me to the punch and starts introductions. David gives her a hug that lasts longer than a friendly hug usually does and kisses my cheek. “Thanks,” he says apropos of nothing.

I tag along behind Sophia until she finally turns off her PR mode to ask me for a rum and Coke. Leaning on each other, we weave back to the kitchen. Leah has found interest in a young runway model who liked her dress.

“David Nellson becomes the life of the party.” We both watch him. “He’s even hocking your baskets.” He holds up Sophia’s candies and makes a show of enjoying them.

Sophia sets her eyes on him dreamily. “Yup,” is all she can muster as a response.

“Is Kenneth coming?”

“Nope.” She keeps her eyes on David. “We won’t be seeing much of him.”

“What are you talking about?”

She tears her eyes away from the uber-model and sets her glass down on the counter between us. “Whatever born-in-a-suit and I had? We no longer have.”

I step back. “Oh. Are you okay? I mean. Well.” I step closer and hug her shoulders.

Sophia nods. “I’m fine.” Her gaze finds the hunky man with the baskets across the apartment. “How could I not be fine?” I don’t detect any upset hidden in her voice. She’s been over Kenneth for a long time.

Before I can ask if this break has anything to do with Kenneth turning red, Elena pops up with a fistful of cash. “Can I put this in your bedroom? For safe keeping?” She’s flushed with happiness for Hannah.

“Of course.” We totter off into my bedroom leaving Sophia semi-entranced with her new lover.

Elena crams the money into a strong box and hugs me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for your apartment and your contacts and your, your, oh, just thanks!”

I hug her back. “No problem, sweetie. Only, my contacts are Leah and Sophia. The rest of these people are here through you and your store, so don’t thank me for that.”

“Who cares? This is wonderful!”

A rap at the door makes us both jump and knock our heads together. I yell, “Come in!” making sure to hide the strong box. I almost faint. Not from the body heat of over thirty people in my small place, not the liquid ounces of Kaluha, only from the fact that Steeve materializes in my bedroom with a bottle of wine in his hand.

“I know we haven’t set plans since our last date. I reckoned your mention of the party was invitation enough.”

His naked chest flashes through me. I hear his voice calling me irresistible. I gather myself and respond, “Oh. It’s fine,” hoping I didn’t pause too much. Elena nudges me forward. I mumble, “oh, right,” to no one in particular and kiss Steeve. “Good to see you.” I step back and motion for Elena. “Elena, Steeve. Steeve, Elena.”

I usher them out of the room and bump into Leah. She gives Steeve a half hug and then sings into my ear “love the one you’re with.” She dances away amused before I can push her.

I spend the rest of the night with Steeve nearby. He chit-chats with the models and actresses. He has some guy talk with the husbands of the women who are regulars at Neiman Marcus. I weigh in my head the pros and cons of another date. I keep in mind the months it’s been since I’ve gotten any sex and that I’m not getting any from Jeffery and that I might not even have the chance soon. I might not have a job for that matter. I try to remember all that was wrong with Steeve and I have a hard time coming up with anything. I pick up my glass of ice water, saunter over to Steeve, and sway with him to the mellow gold Marvin Gaye.

When all is said and done at 2:45 in the AM, when the last guest has left, and the last shimmery belt has been packed away, after Steeve has tongued me farewell and Sophia clung to David Nellson on her way outside, when Leah has gone to see Robert before going home and Hannah has hopped in her car, and after Elena has hugged me and thanked me and left with Jack loving her even more, I sit in my bedroom, a dull humming in my ears reminiscent of the din of a great party. I open “the box” one last time.

I have a date with the no-longer-weird Steeve. I have a courtly lover on my mind who’s wiser beyond his 20 years. I have talented, witty friends. I just threw a party complete with rumors and celebrities. I have reasons to smile without needing to count out those reasons. I simply know they’re there.

I drop the box out the window into the dumpster below. I don’t even say good-bye.